Sculpting in the Storm

In the Hands of a Master

I am a great lover of Renaissance art.  As a teacher, this time period was one of my favorites to cover in my upper-level elective class.  I focused almost exclusively on 44 pieces I had chosen to weave the tale of this time line through.  Immersing myself in new research and the meticulous review of my previous notes before presenting this era in class became a ritual I looked forward to yearly.  So many of the stories behind these great works and their artists captivate and intrigue me, but the one I focus on today is of Michelangelo’s David.

The enormous block of marble Michelangelo used to create this masterpiece, was actually rejected previously by two other artists because too many imperfections ran throughout the marble.  An artist dare not undergo any work of sculpture, especially on that large of scale, with a stone whose integrity was questionable at best.  Michelangelo was a true master of both sculpture and painting.  He decided the reward far outweighed the risk (by reward, I do not mean the fee he would retain, but the end result of his work).  Michelangelo had the most beautiful way of looking at his work as a sculptor.  He felt the composition itself lay hidden in the stone, and his job was merely to chip away at it until he freed the creation from its marble prison.  This idea places hardly any weight on his artistic abilities and much more on what he believed God had foreordained the marble itself to be.

Christians are very much like that enormous raw block of marble.  We are full of imperfections.  Many doubt us – reject us, even.  But God chooses to spend the time on us anyway.  He knows what is deep inside this rock.  He has carefully planned how to free us from our prisons.  Slowly He chips away at us, refining and perfecting as He goes.

There is certainly no one righteous on the earth
who does good and never sins, (Job 7:20).

The difference between us and marble is that we FEEL the artist at work.  I can only write what I know, so I speak from my own experience.  Some of the chipping and refining He does is very painful.  Very.  But, God is THE True Master of all Things, and He knows perfectly well what He is doing with us.  His chisel always creates His masterpieces.  We need only to “be still and know” that He is God and let Him do His work.  Jesus spoke of this work as pruning a vine:

Every branch in me that does not produce fruit he removes, at and he prunes every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce more fruit. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I in you. Just as a branch is unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches, (John 15:2-5).

Understanding the Artist

Unlike inanimate marble, we are able to fidget and move around, thus making the work of our Creator more difficult.  I did a lot of moving around.  I was terribly stubborn, independent, selfish, stupid, and arrogant really.  Not truly understanding the Artist’s process, my growth as a Christian stalled.  I didn’t understand because our relationship lacked true intimacy.  That…was my fault.  It was not God who stopped calling or texting me.  He didn’t unfriend me or stop inviting me to His house for dinner.  It was I that had mindlessly settled myself into a life where I had accepted a shallow excuse of a relationship with my Lord & Master.  It was not until after many years that I would go looking for my Creator only to find He had been with me all the time.

I had been without a church home for 14 years.  I felt isolated, alone, and almost hopeless in my search.  God was always working on my heart, trying to lead me, but I did not hear His voice – maybe I wasn’t even listening at all.  Through happenstance, I heard a preacher at a wedding whose passion and words struck a cord in my heart.  The comforting feeling that washes over Believers when they hear the Truth, warranted my attention and gave me pause.  Even though I hadn’t felt it for a long time, the gentle feeling of a loving Father securing you in a warm blanket was familiar to me.  I suddenly realized how much I had missed it and how desperately I needed it.  The Spirit within me had been stirred, and I was reminded of how good it felt to be connected to it.  I didn’t want it to go away.  I wanted more, so I set out revive my Spirit further.  A tremendous need and curiosity drove me.  Hope and faith were alive in me.  I wondered just how powerful could this relationship be.  I hungered for more.

My husband and I joined a church and attended regularly.  Singing the praises of my Lord in unity with others and hearing the Gospel truly filled my heart and soul.  I chose to join the “Old Ladies class” for Sunday school because I believed I had a lot to learn from these women of faith.  My heart was eager, and I devoured everything.  I loved everything about our class: the study, the discussions, the sharing, the teaching, the different viewpoints, and the love.  The love each woman had for Jesus, and the love each of us had for the other.  What an atmosphere to grow in!

My desire to more richly develop my relationship with God led me to read Christian literature, watch Christian movies, and listen to Christian radio stations.  My prayer life changed.  I actually had one now.  The more it developed, the closer I felt to God.  I began to read the Bible at home in a way I had never done before.  The more I read, the more I wanted.  So, I dove into studies on my own, as well as participating in (and eventually leading) Bible study outside of regular worship time at church.  There is such a blessing in studying the Word of God alone and with others.  More than a year ago, I began to journal in my Bible.  In addition to highlighting certain passages, I write my thoughts and draw in my Bible.  This creative way to interact with Scripture is very fulfilling to me.

I could write a long list of things that happened during this time of growth, but I want you to understand…nothing I did made any difference.  I had no self-righteous notions or motives when I turned more to Christian music than secular music or anything else I did.  It’s what He did to me that matters most.  He gave me the desire to be surrounded by Him.  Once this desire whet my appetite, I had to have more.  He would have done this to me years ago if I would have let Him.  I didn’t let Him because I was not under full submission to Him.  I had a light in me that was but a flickering flame.  I began to understand that all of life is far sweeter when you let that flame burn into a raging fire for all the world to see.  The heat from it softens your marble shell and allows the Artist to better do His work.

Submission

I was saved when I was 13 years old, but I have to admit that I did not fully accept Jesus as my Lord until I was much older.  I didn’t even fully understand the concept of His Lordship over my life all those years ago.  Believe me, if I had truly accepted His Lordship over my life, I would not have lived the way I did.  For us to even say names like God, Lord, Master, etc. implies we acknowledge our submission to the one we bestow the name upon.  I knew God is God, and Jesus is my Lord, but I had not yet been brought under full submission to Him.  Jesus modeled full submission to God many times, including in the first part of the prayer He gave as an example for the disciples in Matthew 6:

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Let me tell you my friend, my enlightenment of this situation was an extremely painful process.  More than once, I tried to escape the Artist’s studio as His chisel dug deeper and deeper into me.

I will never forget the words my pastor’s wife, Dawn, said to me during a particularly painful portion of this time.  As I sat with this dear sister of mine and confessed my past transgressions and how they were impacting my life now, she said, “Do you trust God?”  My mind had been drowning in a sea of remorse, regret, shame, guilt, confusion, and fear, and she threw me a life preserver.  THE Life Preserver.  It was like a slap in the face.  Everything seemed to stop.  I answered, “Yes,” my mind was thinking ‘of course I do’, but all I could say was, “Yes.”  “Then trust Him,” Dawn responded assuredly in a calm voice, “Trust Him.”

“For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope,” (Jeremiah 29:11).

In my weak state, I had become more focused on the storm I was walking through than on God.  I had temporarily been blinded to His Almighty power and purpose.  The storm was so destructive and devastating to me I had become lost in its high winds and heavy rains.  In the months to come during my monsoon season, I heard Dawn’s words play again and again in my head, and I held onto them for dear life.  My prayers echoed these words, and I asked God to fill me with His Spirit and give me strength as He led me through this difficult time.  The verses following Jeremiah 29:11 were not to be ignored:

You will call to me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you”—this is the Lord’s declaration, (Jeremiah 29:12-14).

A Painful Lesson

As my relationship with God became more and more intimate, I wanted an even deeper understanding.  It was a regular part of my prayers to ask God to increase my faith and, as David did in the Psalms, search my heart for anything that could keep me from unity with Him and reveal it to me.  I had no idea what was coming. I could never even have imagined.

God revealed to me that I had spent many years not living under His submission.  I saw how selfish and arrogant I had been.  I saw my life through a different lens, and what I saw hurt me.  Others were hurt too and greatly effected by my ignorance.  I have only me to blame – realizing that was devastating.  Some things from my past, years and years ago, I had never truly dealt with.  I didn’t even know that I hadn’t.  But, I could hide, lie, or run no longer.  It was unveiled to me, and I experienced deep Godly sorrow.  My sorrow was grievous.  I begged forgiveness and mercy.  My heart broke as I accepted my wretched state in all its fullness as nothing more than a sinner saved by grace, (Ephesians 2:8-9).  How I longed to erase the painful truths from the story of my life, but nothing I can do covers them, only the blood of Christ, (1John 1:7-9).

The rains from my monsoon flowed freely as I was led to study in the book of Ezekiel one day.  As I read how Israel had been like an unfaithful bride to God, I realized that I was Israel.  God had provided for, protected, and lavishly loved Israel, but in her selfishness and arrogance she turned her back on Him.  God had provided a way of life for me as a Christian that was best for me.  If I would surrender my life to Him and deny myself, I would be richly blessed with His Spirit.  Instead, the truth was that I had been selfish and arrogant. In my ignorance, by not living the life God meant for me to live, I was telling Him that I knew best.  I had not submitted my life to His Lordship.  This made me sick in my heart.  I had been such a fool.  If only I could do it all over again.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares on him, because he cares about you. Be sober-minded, be alert. Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that the same kind of sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world. The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little while. To him be dominion forever. Amen, (1 Peter 5:6-11).

It took a very long time for me to realize what a blessing this terrible time of enlightenment is to me, particularly in being able to experience Godly sorrow.  The pain of things I found so hard to admit to myself has had a permanent effect on me.  I’m sure the lessons of this monsoon season have not come to full fruition.  I know when I look back on it in years to come, I will understand it even better than I do now.  The good Lord blessed me with a husband that loves Him and seeks Him and has the love of Jesus shed abroad in his heart.  Because of this, he was able to withstand the storm with me.  We are stronger now due to experiencing this.  I am stronger now, and I am changed.

Just as the masterpiece, David, has imperfections in its marble, so do I.  So do you.  But the Creator is working on me, and I trust Him and have faith in Him.  So even when some of the refining He does on me is painful, I know the end result will be a beautiful blessing.  I am not afraid to let the Artist do His work.  I better understand His Lordship over my life, and I have no desire to just lay around in a pile with other rejected marble blocks.  I want more.  I want to be more like Him.  I hunger for God to use me, imperfections and all, and never stop refining and polishing me as long as I live.  His will be done.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name’s sake, Lord, let me live, (Psalm 143:10-11).

Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring—what your life will be! For you are like vapor that appears for a little while, then vanishes. Instead, you should say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So it is sin to know the good and yet not do it, (James 4:14-17).

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